EP248: Tom Pfanner - How Fathers Can Fix Their Broken Relationships With Their Teenage Kids

Written By Chris Rodd

“And so here I had done a whole like year of everything, putting together a father son retreat program for teenage sons and their dads and my own teenage son walks out of my life.” 

Fatherhood is more than discipline, rules, and trying to keep kids on the right path. As children grow into teenagers, they begin testing identity, independence, and trust. What keeps the relationship strong isn’t control—it’s leadership, presence, consistency, and connection. Sons need fathers they can respect and model themselves after. Daughters need fathers who truly listen, understand them, and create emotional safety. When fathers become distracted, emotionally absent, or disconnected from their children’s world, the relationship slowly starts to fracture.

Tom Pfanner shares the deeply personal story of watching his own teenage son walk out of his life while he was simultaneously building a father-son leadership program for other families. That experience forced him to completely rethink the way he approached fatherhood, masculinity, and leadership. Instead of blaming everyone around him, Tom turned inward and began asking difficult questions about how his own leadership was impacting the relationship. Through faith, self-reflection, martial arts, intentional communication, and consistent presence, he was eventually able to rebuild trust and reconnect with his son.

The conversation also explores the growing challenges facing modern fathers. Social media, digital distractions, broken family structures, and confusion around masculinity are all shaping how young men and women develop. Tom explains the difference between “action respect” and “connection respect,” why fathers must lead themselves before leading their families, and how becoming a great listener may be one of the most powerful tools a father can develop. Whether a relationship with a child is already strong or hanging by a thread, this episode offers a practical and deeply personal perspective on what it means to truly lead as a father.

Tom is the founder of Dads Who Lead and author of Dads Who Lead: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Parenting and Start Leading. A former middle and high school PE teacher, strength coach, martial artist, and mentor, Tom now helps fathers strengthen broken relationships with their children through leadership, faith, and intentional presence. 

Learn more & connect:

Take Tom’s free leadership quiz at https://dadswholead.com/.

YouTube: @TheLeadershipDad

You’re invited to come to a Sovereign Circle meeting to experience it for yourself. To learn more, go to https://www.sovereignman.ca/. While you’re there, check out the Battle Ready program and check out the store for Sovereign Man t-shirts, hats, and books.

Past Episodes

Chris Rodd
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EP247: Joseph Riggio - Can You Take A Punch?